Thanks for this reply. What follows should really be a private message but I don’t see any way to do this. Sorry if anyone else sees this message and is harmed, hurt, or otherwise offended. Better yet, if you’re not @Sadiemcmurrin. please skip over this message.
Sadiemcmurrin: I hear you. My family is multi-racial also. However, families like ours are highly atypical. When the OP says “white people” and “white families” she means “most …” and that’s what we’re supposed to hear.
Looking at the election results, one can see that most white people voted for Agent Orange. This time as well as in 2016. This is especially so in rural or suburban areas where they never even see a Black person except in the media, who are there often cast in a negative light. We missed out on the landslide we hoped for because King Cheato fed into mainstream fears of Black people in particular and progressives in general. And we’re not out of the woods yet because there’s talk of lawsuits etc. That’s what the OP is talking about.
Although my family is multi-racial, it’s taking some time to get up to speed on anti-racism. Lots of getting out there in action, reading, listening, and sitting with it all. I’ve hurt Black family members with my clumsy ignorance and the racism that I’ve absorbed simply by being a US citizen. Sadly, they couldn’t tell me how I hurt them; I had to find out by reading articles like this one. That’s why I started my message to you the way I did. We’re going to keep making mistakes and there’s a temptation to write oneself off, saying something like, I’ll never be able to get it right so why bother trying. But we can’t do that because undoing racism is a moral and survival imperative.
As I learn to be a better anti-racist, I’ve picked up a few rules* for engaging with Black folks on social media. A few don’ts: DON’T make a post to the effect of “… but not me…” as that’s considered centering oneself and showing white fragility. DON’T make a post about “.. but I’ve done / am doing …” as that’s also considered self-centering and showing white fragility. In many spaces, there are certain words and concepts that one must express in order to be accepted, and a great many other words and concepts that are forbidden. (PM me and I can tell you what these are, and why.) For these and other reasons, I avoid speaking directly to a Black person on social media at all, unless they have addressed me first, because there’s a million and one ways to get it wrong and few if any ways to get it right. If I’ve got something to say, I say it in reply to another white person — and even then I can get it wrong (as I just did in reply to another poster here, which got me cancelled by the OP.)
A few more: I don’t see where you did these next few, just saying it for the record. DON’T propose any ideas because Black people are the experts in their own situation so their ideas should be centered. DON’T tell a Black person what to say or how to say it, as that’s considered tone policing. DON’T say anything that may be read as telling Black people what to do, as that’s considered white supremacy.
I’d like to talk with you some more if you like. The OP suggested that anti-racist white folks support each other in private, not in public spaces where Black folks will have to hear — and be hurt by — our mis-steps. As a classic Autistic savant, I’ve got a different perspective, got many ideas on how to make things better — including ideas on how to do full- scale systemic Reparations that could possibly work in real life — but I can’t say them here because of the reasons stated above, especially in the paragraph right above this one. So if this is agreeable to you, please PM me. I’m pretty sure my account is set up for that; if not, please let me know.
Thanks Again and Best Regards — Justin Olhipi
*As an Autistic person, I don’t pick up social conventions by osmosis like most people do; I have to figure out the rules explicitly, or have someone tell me them explicitly.
