Thanks for this exposition.

When I was around 13 or so, I suffered from obsessive and intrusive thoughts along the lines of "God is Evil." I was terrified because that thought would cross my mind many times a day, and each time was a mortal sin that would send me to hell. I went to Confession as much as possible, at least once a day, because I'd been taught that one must confess one's mortal sins to a priest or else go to hell forever. An eternity of suffering for a moment's lapse! So I built a device with a rotating scroll with sayings such as "God is Good," "God is Nice," etc, and used it constantly as a fidget toy.

If God were so Good and Nice, why would a young person struggling with OCD have to build such a device and use it constantly?

I read some Gnostic literature as a teen and realized that I've been a Gnostic all along.

But I don't go around telling people about this. They're not ready to hear, and they would get mad.